How to Appreciate Your Spouse More

How can you appreciate your spouse more?

Appreciation grows when you notice not only what your spouse adds to your life, but also the responsibilities, comfort, history, and connection you might otherwise take for granted. The goal is gratitude, not fear.

When seeking to appreciate your spouse, you may look for the things they have added to your life.

Maybe you think about the way your spouse spoils you with good food. Or surprises you with gifts.

Perhaps you reflect on the first day you met. Or a meaningful date night.

Or you could just appreciate their day-to-day contributions to your life. Taking care of your children. Working to support the family. Maintaining the household.

The idea of “counting your blessings” is a powerful one. As a Monsey marriage coach, I've seen how important it can be to take time to appreciate what we have in one another.

But there’s something that may be even more powerful: thinking about what your life would be like if you had never met at all.

Monsey Marriage Coach Advises: Apply It’s a Wonderful Life to Your Life

A recent study discovered that people were more satisfied with their relationship when they were asked to imagine what it would be like if they hadn’t meet their partner versus just remembering how they met.

Have you taken some time to think about what your life would be like without your spouse? Consider changing your mental frame of reference from “I’m so glad I have my spouse in my life” to “What if we never met?”

This can help shed new light on the things you appreciate about your spouse since it presents them in a new and surprising way.

It may also help you remember why it is so important to keep working on your marriage. And fighting for your joint happiness.

Sometimes it is all too easy to think that your problems would be solved if you simply left the relationship. No more spouse, no more arguing.

But you’d also be giving up all those positive things, many that you overlook or take for granted.

You have someone to tell about your day. To lay next to at night. To care for you when you’re sick. To share the responsibilities of parenting. To join you at the movies or a restaurant.

But it’s so much more than that.

You also have a joint history together. One that is unique to the two of you. It includes all the experiences you went through together. You can explain those things to someone else, but it’s not the same thing as living it together.

That joint history is a rare, precious thing.

So, take time to reflect on what your life would be like:

• If you hadn’t met your spouse
• If you hadn’t agreed to date your spouse
• If you hadn’t married your spouse
• And even if your spouse was suddenly gone tomorrow

You may find a greater appreciate for your relationship – and a renewed commitment to fighting to keep it healthy and happy for the long term!

Rooting for you!

Sara Freed

www.SaraFreed.com

Frequently Asked Questions

How can couples practice appreciation?

Each day, name one specific contribution or quality you noticed and express it without adding criticism or a request.

How can couples apply this insight?

Begin with one calm conversation and one small, repeatable action. Focus on the shared pattern rather than blaming either spouse.

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